Studio Notes - No Longer Hedging My Bets

The past few weeks in the studio, I purposefully flipped my world upside down.

I did so by quitting my corporate job and betting on myself. Throughout my life I’ve been hedging my bets. Gripping tightly onto the illusion of a failsafe plan accompanying a W2.

The last two years or so, corporate has been my pseudo safety net. Acting to pacify me and chain me to a role that I never really enjoyed.

It slowly drained my energy and made my free spirit resentful. I said to a friend the other day that it feels like some corporate employees take bitter pills like vitamins.

So, I’ve been off my game.

My studio notes cadence has faltered. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night thinking:

“What am I doing?”

There’s an even louder voice telling me I can do this.

Life’s pressures will exist either way. It’s 2026. Inflation is at an all-time high, we’ve witnessed a genocide, and whispers of World War 3 continue – why would I want to play the game in that sandbox?

So, I’m hoping that between coaching, painting, and bookkeeping I can make ends meet.

Jiujitsu happens to be the love of my life. Painting is a great modality for me to express myself when I feel the familiar darkness creeping in.

It’s true what they say – the inverse of depression is expression. So, I’ve been expressing.

When the intrusive thoughts linger and rumination sweeps in to steal my joy, I pick up a brush, grab a canvas and let my insanity pour out of me.

I competed last weekend. I started training for No-Gi IBJJF Worlds 2026. Worlds camp is a different animal. It’s focused, intentional and deliberate. My training partners feel like family and I’m proud of the work I’ve put in before camp. I love the way I’m showing up.
Meeting myself in this arena, on these mats in Austin, feels like an exciting odyssey.

I feel like I’m building my body brick by brick, to be useful. Not to be beautiful or admired. Instead, I aim to be strong, ready for combat.

And in consequence, I’ve never felt so sexy.

Iron sharpens iron. I’m in the right rooms finding my sharp edge, too.  

Coaching is a trip. Those kids are as honest as a mirror can be. They are teaching me so much about the art of being present. Being messy. They show up as their chaotic little selves, with preferences and experiences, existing fully.

I’ve continued creating and painting when I can. My first Friday market got rained out this month and I felt relief to have the extra time to myself.

I love this journey that I’m on and I’m discovering how to let go and hold on at the same time. Nick Mulvey wrote the lyrics:

“The only way to hold on is to keep letting go”

Only recently did I find myself understanding what he meant.

I remind myself when I find myself gripping tightly to an outcome.

Here’s to letting go, letting God, and practicing my rear naked chokes.

This week in the studio I’m saying cheers to the next adventure.

With meetings on the calendar, the smell of vinegar on my clothes, and clean paint brushes,

Sierra Koch

10-17-26